new number

got a text from alex today saying hes got a new number. prolly sent it to everyone but its the first thing ive head from him for nearly 2 months :/ really wanna reply but dont know what to put. he obv hasnt deleted me from his iphone bt he could have sent it by accident if he sent it to everyone. i dont know what to do!?!?!? fml

been seeing jamie loads, and hes just started working in oxford now, so went to kfc yesterday and monday at lunch. his mum is moving to spain cos shes gonna be running a bar. he said he wont miss her but i know he will. even ill sorta miss her lol.

the ppl on my course are ok, made a well good friend called sophie who knows im gay bt not really told anyone else, bt also not trying to hide it. and think sops has told a coulpe of ppl, and im happy with it. that prob makes no sense lol.

not been to councilling this week cos told dad i had some group work to do. tried to get served in copa with sops but i got IDd and she didnt!!! ffs. its cos shes fit and looks older and the bar man blates wanted to fuck her lol.

sorta been avoiding nicholas cos i dont know what dad has said to him, and hes not asked me to look after dolce and pepsi for ages. he obs knows i dont work for frank anymore. fml. dad is such a controlling bastard hes tried to ruin my life seriously. sops came over last night nd i cooked her an egg sandwich :) she said im a domestic god lol. dad was like jizzing in his pants cos he prob thinks ive turned normal again, nd cos he blates wants to do her haha. she is well fit. i wanted matt to meet her but they were out.

just lazing tonight and reading old texts from alex :/

(29) days of summer

got like 999999 messages from u guys, nd i know theres loads i havent replied to, but i read them all, nd it sorta makes me feel nice that there are so many ppl that think about me and want me to be happy.

so much stuff has happened this summer and its been the hardest thing ever in my life. ive still been blogging most days but im not yet ready to press 'publish'. ive felt so sad its made me vom, ive not been eating or sleeping properly and i propr look like a druggie smack head.

basically alex isnt gay and he told his mum everything and she phoned dad about me. he knows everything and thinks its just a phase and im not really gay. ive been to a counsellor to talk and it was ok, but now ive got to start going every week. hes hardly saying much to me but is treating me differently and said i cant have my toothbrush in the cabinet next to theirs :( he prob thinks ive got aids or something just from thinking about getting bummed.

ffs he told matt and em everything as well, so they propr think im a perv and a freak :-( matt has talked to me loads tho and he told me on sunday night that he always sorta knew and that i should be gay if i want to be and not let anyone persuade me to be striaght. i dont know anymore and i just feel shit and dad is giving me stress about carrying on the family surname and saying how upset mum would have been :-(

ive not spoken to alex for 29 days cos his mum told me he will contact me again when hes ready and that he was bullied at his old school for 2 years cos people called him gay and hes not actually gay.

starting at college doing a diploma in information technology and guess its a new start, nd think thats what i need. dad made me leave my job with frank but ive applied at some shops. got fit new hair today in brothers, and matt bought me some new jeans and two tops for college, new me :)

ive ignored my friends all summer cos of this and they prob all hate me.

sorry if ive dissapointed u guys as well as everyone else :/


joshxx