fuck buddies

still been ignored by alex :-( he came on msn last night but then signed off like 1 second later, he prob didnt sign off more like blocked me. so i txt him nd im like 'so when we meeting up mate?' i actually put mate lol, just tryn to be all manly :-/

dad has made me get up again cos he thinks im gonna waste my life if i laze in bed a couple of mornings a week. hes suck a dick bt i just cba to argue with him. heard him on the phone again to val this morning, think they were talking about money bt omg i hope shes not gonna bleed us dry. he would probably sell my kidneys to give her money cos hes blates in love with her even tho he still says they are just friends. matt said they are fuck buddies lol yak think im gonna vom.

had a good aft with jamie yesterday, even tho has to listen to him talkn about girls like every other sentence. well wanted to put more sun cream on him, or maybe some of my special milky cream lol.

want him to come to oxford today cos meetn some ppl, bt dunno whether to tell him cos i know hatty is coming, nd it might look like ive done it on purpose. wish we were as close as we used to be cos if we were i think id propr tell him im gay, bt just not mention how ive wanted to get in his pants for like 5 years lol.

the list

been out in the garden with jamie getn a tan. too hot tho now nd so we are making a healthy fruit salad with loads of nice stuff dad got yesterday. got some sun block nd got jamie to rub it on my back lol, got me rock hard in like 1 millisecond :-P i put loads on his back nd rubbed it for like 5 minutes lol. id put so much on it was still all on my hands so i wiped it across his stomach :-D well horny. he didnt say anything gay even as a joke, he prob didnt realise i was about to spunk in my shorts lol.

dont want dad to come back cos he will start stressn cos havent done a single thing on the list of stuff he said i had to do today, apart from not lay in bed all day, bt instead ive done laying in the garden all day lol.

second first day

saw jamie for a bit yesterday, he came over nd we sat in the garden nd lazed. saw his bulge nd couldnt stop looking at it, had to lay on my front lol cos got a propr hard on nd well obvious in shorts lol. hes not seen his mum for nearly 2 months :-S nd he thinks she has moved to newbury. he doesnt seem bothered at all bt it makes me feel sad.

made me have a weird dream about his gran having a heart attack nd then the hospital said she was gonna die nd so dad let him move in with us, but he wasnt allowed to sleep in my room cos em told dad i would rape him lol. propr mental dream nd sorta turned into a wet dream lol, bt omg felt like it was actually happening until i heard matt shouting at me to get up. id done like 3 piriton yesterday afternoon nd that stuff does give me head fuck dreams.

gotta leave in 10 mins for my sorta second first day, even tho its not really my first day, but it feels like it is, nd feel well nervous again. hope ppl are nice to me cos it wont just be me nd frank today :-S

proper employee

ive got a job :-) gonna be working full days on thurs nd fri every week, nd no more saturdays. if it goes well frank said i might be able to go up to 3 days a week for the summer. bt he said he cant pay me cash anymore nd ive got to be a proper employee, which sounds good, bt its a bit shit cos of tax so just looking on the net tryn to find out how much taxes i will have to pay. its well confusing so nt sure :-S i asked if i have to buy a suit nd he just laughed nd said i can wear whatever. he prob wants me to wear nothing haha.

gonna ask matt if he will drive me cos he works at the science park, nd chalgrove isnt that far. bt didnt want to ask in front of em cos she would interrupt nd say no. she didnt say that much about it but dad said he was 'very pleased' which felt nice :-) we had wine with dinner nd he said we should be having champagne so im deffo in his good books :-)

jamie txt earlier askn when the party is lol. hes such a twat lol, im like, 'its last week, are u coming?'. well wanna meet up soon nd get pissd cos i sorta miss him.

bored = wanking

got a txt from alex at like 7 this mornin just saying wuu2. random!!!! i put 'just laid in bed bored' nd replied in like 1 second nd said 'bored = wanking :-P' was thinkn of something to put back for ages but he txt again nd said hes got all series 1 of facejacker nd askd if i wanna watch it. im like 'yeah ok what time?' bt omg im like YAYYYYYY well surprised he wants me to come over. hope its not a joke or something :-S

dad is making breakfast nd val is here so weve got flowers in the kitchen and in the dining room lol. i dont even like flowers cos they smell weird nd its prob not even hygenic cos of all the pollen dust.

em nd matt went out last night nd she is still in bed. matt says shes ill and it could be food poisning, well its a bit of a fuckn coincidence how she always gets food poisoning after goin out in oxford!! she is laid in bed pretending to be ill bt dad says im rude cos im on my macbook at the table. ffs its not even ready yet nd i cba to listen to careers advice from val. matt never walks around in his undies when she is here :-( its the one thing about sunday i like cos he doesnt normally get dressed til lunch, nd shes ruined it. grrr.

up his bum

didnt get wrecked last night bt it was a good night. nik txt randomly nd asked if he could get a lift nd i was sorta pleased cos i hate arriving at places on my own.

nik had like 1 wkd nd he was magically pissed nd startd stripping off. he loves it lol. kaytee kept comin up to me every 5 mins going 'we need a girlie chat'. arghhh!!! so in the end we sat outside nd ended up talkn in she was sorta leaning on me, nd then that changed to a hug nd then that changed to a snuggle. she wasnt that pissd, we shared like a big bottle of wkd bt its not that strong. it was her doin all the stuff bt i didnt stop her cos it felt a bit nice. not cos i like her like that, bt cos i sorta like it when girls like me lol. mental.

she said if i dont keep in touch she will bite my cock off lol. nice haha. she got all gooey nd actually said some pretty nice things about me, think she wanted something to happen :-S lol so i prob disappointed her lol.

alex didnt turn up at all, nd ppl were askn me like i should know where he is ffs. there was another party in thame that we got invited to, so he prob went to that on purpose. i did wanna go to that as well but dad would have stressed having to drive to thame to pick me up.

we all went in cos it was getn propr cold, nd nik was climbing on the sofas nd running around like hes 5. he climbed on me nd sat on my shoulders, omg had his cock pressing on my neck :-P horny

a few ppl went home early nd by 12 there was only about 10 of us left. they all wanted to do truth or dare bt i fuckin hate that cos i always think ppl are gonna ask if im gay :-S nik asked bex if she has ever used a vibrator nd she said yes lol. well funny!!! nd jess asked dan if hed ever put a finger up his bum nd he said no bt he paused for ages nd went well embarrassed so he blates has.

me nd nik both said dare, i had to let jess put frozen peas down my pants :-S nd they made nik lick the guinea pigs head lol. well wanted them to dare me to suck niks big cock lol or wank on ryans face :-P

im free

well sad today bt also feels prop amazing cos no more exams nd revision!!! said bye to loads of ppl nd got like kisses nd hugs from about 30 girls lol. loads of the girls cried nd it was a bit emotional nd i will miss loads of people.

sat on the field with everyone nd only just got home. gotta shower cos i let jess and kaytee draw stuff on my chest lol. they put an arrow down to my cock nd wrote 'BIG BOY' lol. met one of kaytees friends from cheney whos called rob nd think he might be a bit gay, nd i swear kaytee was tryn to make us talk nd get to know each other. hes not that fit, hes ok, but not like as hot as other ppl i like. alex stayed until about 5 nd we did chat for a bit, but he hasnt txt back about meetn tomorrow. i wanna get new jeans nd a new superdry tshirt tomorrow cos need new stuff for the party.

dad has given me £100 nd said there will be more if i get good results :-) i wanted him to say sorry for been horrible nd stuff bt he didnt cos he thinks he can make me do anything nd is well controlling.

ive txtd frank about work but hes not replied yet. really hope he doesnt hate me.

me time / mac time

been working well hard all day again, nd dad has gone out so put the router on nd slying some me time / mac time :-) better rememebr to turn it back off this time tho haha.

he has been a twat today, nd only gave me a lift so i came straight home. he probs think ill escape nd then run away nd be a rent boy lol. been to a revision group today for 2 hours nd saw alex, didnt say that much but he didnt ignore me. he also txt me back earlier cos i asked him if he wantd a lift on thurs, he said no bt he wasnt mean nd he put 'good luck mate'.

last exam on thurs, cant wait cos theres a massive party on friday nd im gonna get soooo pissed :-D

having chinese tonight cos dad nd val have gone out, nd even em said ive been workn hard so its sort of a treat. just gotta wait for matt to get back nd drive us.

depressed

feelin well depressed, had a shit week, nd not heard from alex since wednesday morning. dad had a massive stress with me nd has told frank i cant work any hours until all exams are done. think hes gonna sack me now anyway cos he prob well hates me.

dad has been making me revise in the dining room nd telling me when i can have breaks nd just been a controlling twat. he comes in nd checked on me like very 20 mins nd i got like 99999 questions when he thought id been on my macbook bt i was actually in the toilet.

all week apart from today hes made me get up at 8 nd then start revising nd doin practise questions. not left the house since thursday nd feel like im a prisoner.

jamie called came over randomly on thursday night nd it felt well good to see him, bt after like 45 mins dad came in nd sorta said he had to go nd i felt such a nob, nd it made me feel really sad cos i rememberd how we used to be well gd mates.

just feel a bit lonely nd while hes controlling my life like this its making me feel upset nd doesnt matter how much time i spend revising if im feeln like this in the exams i just wont be able to concentrate.

tried to talk to matt last night nd he says he just wants to keep out of it :-(

taking it seriously

frank askd if i wanted to work today nd tmrw, nd i said yes, bt found out that dad phoned him nd said i couldnt cos i was revising!!!!!! so propr look like a well child now :-( i text frank last night nd said sorry for messn in around nd he just put 'OKJOSH'. hes mad lol.

didnt do any revising yesterday bt gonna do some this week. he thinks i was revising all day yesterday cos i was up in my room nd left my mac in the kitchen on purpose, so he didnt think i was on the internet. bt cos em nd matt went out for the day i used ems laptop lol. he came upstairs at 3 nd said id been working really hard nd he was glad i was taking it seriously.

watched matt getn ready this morning nd running around in his pants lol. he was late again, like i always am.

gonna have breakfast now, get showered nd start at 10. omg internet is so distracting tho :-S