pretty good

thanx for all the emails. im not dead or anything lol.

life is pretty good atm, working for frank again, and me nd sops are lookn at renting a flat in oxford. prob end up on blackbird leys cos everything near me is well expensive. but will be well good. not told dad nd val cos think they will think im rushing in to things but i love sops to bits nd we are well besties :)

so much has happened to me since the summer and its like my life now is nothing like my old one. thinking about blogging properly again but im not gonna lie, its sorta been nice not having to think about blogging. but then some days i miss it loads, and u guys are great cos u all email me to check im ok and stuff.

for ages i wantd a boyfriend more than anything in the world. but ben hurt me a lot cos he lied about a lot of stuff about his life and then i found out hes done porn and everything and it just made me feel shit. just felt weird knowing thousands of ppl have seen him naked and it just feels like its not special for us. he is propr wrong in the head nd even tho we are friends a bit i dont see him that often.

em has had an abortion even tho they all think i do know, i do cos i saw the letter and it nearly caused them to split up cos matt hates stuff like that. so much shit happening in this house no wonder i want to leave.

merry pissmass

fml been hanging all day, and got forced to eat xmas lunch even tho i wasnt hungry and felt sick. stayed at sops house last night and we watched christmas films, ate crap and got pissed :D she kept tryn to touch my doodle dirty bitch! i love her to bits but she gets a bit annoying sometimes cos she knows im gay but is obsessed with my cock lol. she wanted to do dares and her first one was daring me to wank off and jizz out of her window lol. we stayed up talkn until 5 and then her mum dropped me home this morning at 10 and omg thought i was gonna vom in her car. had to close my eyes cos felt so bad.

not got that many presents this year, em and matt bought me apple tv which i well wasnt expecting, and val bought me socks with my name on. random. just got money from dad and a well nice diesel beanie which em prob got for him to give me. i was saving for a new macbook but been spending all my money on clothes and stuff, so might try nd save again now with my xmas money.

wanted to go out tonight but not allowed :( hes such a twat we are only watchn tv so why does he need me here ffs!?!? if he tries to force me to eat any more food today im gonna die i swear. still feel hungover a bit and not had any drink today, not even champagne which was something else for him to moan about cos i just had lemonade.

goin to pizza express tmrw for a meal with sops, we didnt buy each other anything cos we said we would have a meal together nd perv at hot waiters. she said shes gonna tell the tall skiny waiter im gay cos he does look at bit gay and hes fit, and i want his number.

gotta play taboo now some shit game that val bought. shes got a cupboard in the lounge that she calls the family cupboard nad she keeps buying shit games and makes us all play them. the thing i really wanna play with right now is my cock. ffs.

share a bed

been sorta sextin with this guy called ben who sops knows and meeting him this afternoon. omg well scared!!! hes well fit, and has a propr fit bod. hes 18 and has got his own car nd he says well nice to stuff to me, nd sops has showed me some txts hes sent her about me, he propr likes me :)

been to brothers this morning and got my hair cut, got is shorter now and sorta messy nd a bit spikey. sops said i look hot :D hope ben thinks so. got a new red and white jw tshirt that ive been waiting to wear for ages. hope he things im fit. wearing my ripped full circle jeans with the massive rip on the bum :p hes gonna look i know he is.

we went to see jamie when we were walking back. he looks a bit cute in his uniform haha, he txt me as soon as we said bye nd hes like 'mate shes fit txt me her num' i didnt reply and like 5 mins later hes going 'whats her name im adding her on fb' hes well horny. hes living in a shared house in jericho now, its a propr dump but hes getn some ikea stuff in his room to make it nicer. i pissed in the toilet and didnt even wash my hands cos the sink looked like someone had shit in it. soooo dirty :/ hes not bothered tho nd its prob better than living with his mental family.

had my last counselling on tuesday, and ive told sops everything about dad and all the shit that happened even though dad told me to keep my private thoughts to myself. felt better to tell her and we had a well nice snuggle. even tho she knows im gay a bit she likes me to spoon her lol. shes stayed over again last night, and i still have to sleep downstairs and she has my bed. its mental cos i thought dad would be like tryn to make me share a bed with her lol. we always spoon before bed nd she tries to touch my doodle a bit lol. i propr love her loads shes like my best friend ever cos we are so close.

val keeps calling her my girlfriend and it doesnt even annoy me now cos im just like whatever. they are trying to make me not gay but theres nothing anyone can do :D

meeting ben at 2 and we are goin to starbucks, sops is coming for a bit so its not too weird but then shes gonna go after like half an hour.

SOOOO excited!!!! gotta get ready nd make sure i can do my hair this good after ive washed it :)

ACCCDDDDE

went out last night with dad, val, em and matt and we had champagne. dad said ive made him proud and i got £500 towards a macbook pro. i didnt do that well compared to some ppl i know, but i did better than i thought.

it was a good night but i still felt empty and when i got home just felt sick again. i was thin before but im propr skinnky now cos i hardly eat food cos i never feel like it. not been out for ages and just feel depressed. dunno what to do but just feel like im not interested in anything anymore, even stuff i like doing. feel a bit like i dont want to cheer up but even tho deep down i know i do. hard to explain.

lazy

dad has been in liverpool today nd he set off at 5 bt hes still not back!!!! val is stressing me out cos she keeps coming up nd asking if i want stuff, like a drink, or food, ffs its my house nd shes the guest it should be me askn her if she wants stuff!!!

bored now bt dont want to go downstairs nd watch tv cos its just too weird just sat with her nd having random convos :-/

alex has done new fb pics nd hes wearing my bench tshirt :-P he looks soooo hot. i like it when he wears my stuff, nd i love wearing his stuff sooo much. esp if i can sorta smell him a bit. horny :-P

hes not doin anything tonight bt doesnt want to come over, he said he just wants a lazy night in :-( well shuldnt whinge cos saw him on tuesday nd went to see inception AGAIN nd then went out last night as well. i wish he liked me as much as i like him :-/

maize maze

didnt see alex all wkend, cos he was at his dads nd so only saw him for like 45 mins on friday night after id finished work :-( hes back today tho so gonna meet up later. hes getn his hair cut in brothers nd he asked if i wanna go with him. gay lol. bt id go with him anywhere cos i just like spending any time with him :-)

went to leamington spa yesterday to see family. me, matt and em went to a maze that was made out of maize lol. it was gd, but soooo hot. me nd matt took our tops off nd i was walking in front nd i kept turning around to look at his hot bod :-P

took like 2 hours to find our way out, em was too tight to buy a map for £1, so we did it the hard way. two well fit american or canadian twins that we kept bumping into, omg nearly cumd in my pants they were so hot. their accents make me melt <3

on the way back em wouldnt let me in matts car so i had to go back with dad and val. she was propr stressn me out nd kept talkn to me nd dad made me turn my ipod off nd nearly killed us on the motorway cos he was tryn to tell me off. what a twat.

had chinese last night nd jesus i propr nearly died when val actually got some money out to pay!! prob dad gave it to her when i wasnt looking. wish id have ordered more haha

own keys

nik came over last night cos he wanted to borrow our wii controller, thought he would stay for a bit bd he went after like 10 mins. RUDE!! hed got fake tan on nd it looked propr shit nd a bit orange lol. didnt say anything bt propr lol'd in my pants when hed gone. what a gay!!!!

hes havin a party at end of aug nd said ive got to tweet about it cos not enough ppl are goin yet. he said to get jamie to come nd i said ill ask alex nd hes like alex is already coming hes makin the best ever playlist. sorta got me a bit pissd off that alex knew about it before me nd never said anything :-/

FFS this takes the piss!!!! sounded like dad was home so went downstairs to see why he was back already nd val is there goin 'hello josh' nd smiling at me. ffs no wonder shes smiling if shes got her own keys!!!!! ffs when was he gonna ask me nd em if she could just have her own keys nd just walk in. i could have been naked or anything.

again tonight

well gd weekend with alex, stayed at his for 2 nights. his mum said i could stay again tonight bt dad wanted me to come home :-( dunno why cos now hes gone to toot baldon with val. ffs so home alone cos em nd matt arent back.

stayed up til 5 on friday!!!!!! it was fully light nd we were tryn to get to sleep lol. slept on the floor next to his bed, bt we had been laid on his bed for like 4 hours anyway just talking about random stuff nd watchn tv. we slept until about half 3 in the afternoon when his mum came back from shopn nd then she did us a well good breakfast with bacon, sausage, beans and toast.

didnt do that much on sat, tried to get served in tesco lol bt waste of time nd well embarrassing. prob easier to steal vodka than it is to buy it lol. waited outside for ages to see if we could get someone to buy it for us bt just bottled out of askn anyone.

walked back nd then it was sorta a bit arkward nd weird cos i was sorta a bit bored bt couldnt think of anything to say. nd then i was just about to say about goin home nd hes like 'wanna stay again tonight?' omg got hard haha, phoned dad nd he said yes!!! he had a shower nd didnt fully shut the door bt couldnt really see bt could hear the water nd kept sounding like he was wanking lol. he prob wasnt, but i was :-P spunked in like 1 minute lol, str into my pants lol.

when i showered i left the door open even more to see if he would come in, bt he didnt. did get to wear some of his undies nd a well nice white firetrap tshirt. even tho it was clean, sorta smelled of him nd it was nice.

watched a well random weird movie called mum & dad, nd my leg was touching him for like 2 hours. was hard for ages nd think he saw it bt didnt look like he was hard :-( hope he doesnt think i got hard at the weird shit in the film cos it was just freaky.

peppermint

had to get up early cos getn my hair cut at 9. didnt get that much sleep cos em nd matt were well noisy when they got in, shouting and she was singing. couldnt get back to sleep nd then finally got sleepy again nd the sex noises started :-S yak!!! dad stayed at vals so everyone is getn some except for me :-(

matt is up already, so hope he will give me a lift. he made tea for em bt she stressd at him nd sent him back cos she wanted peppermint tea lol. he must fuckn propr love her cos he does anything she wants. mental. he gave me the tea tho :-) tastes like it got 4 sugars tho lol, so she is prob hungover or food poisoning AGAIN.

love me

sooooo tired. work was well slow today :-( feels like ive been working for ever. thers a new guy thats starting on moday nd hes been in today to meet some of the sales ppl. hes called scott, hes pretty fit bt not gay i dont think.

sorta got a bit told off by frank for texting cos its not allowed even tho he didnt mind when i used to work on saturdays. felt a bit bad nd so before matt picked me up i said sorry nd hes like 'dont worry josh, just keep it to lunch times'. next week im deffo gonna get a bit hard nd go into his office nd ask him something nd like keep adjusting it so he sees lol. then he will love me again :-P

wanted to go out tonight bt everyone is doin something or on hols :-( goin to see inception tomorrow with nik nd dan, but wanna go tonight cos it looks well gd.

think matt nd em are goin to oxford nd dad is going to vals, so just gonna be sat here all night bored :-( grrrrrrr

olds and gays

went to brighton yesterday with dad, val, matt and em. at first it was just meant to be us four nd dad said i could take someone so txtd nik to ask him then he shouts up val is coming now so no room for a mate, im like ffs!!! lucky nik couldnt cos i would have looked like a well messer. took ages to drive down, nd vals purfume nearly killed me in the car it was sooo strong nd i kept opening the window nd then em was stressn cos it was messin her hair up grrr.

we had a well good day tho, laid on the beach for ages getn a tan nd checkn out hot guys yum. there was a women next to us who got her massive tits out nd matt was like jizzin in his pants nd looking constantly, think she liked him looking tho lol, but em didnt haha. went in the sea with matt nd he kept tryn to hold me under bt im faster at swimming :-D em didnt go in the sea once nd was a bit moody. she was just reading a book and listening to MY ipod.

had fish nd chips but wasnt that hungry nd it was too hot to eat. got a £60 parking ticket when we went back to the car, had to listen to dad for like 2 hours whinging about it. ffs was seriously thinkn about giving him £60 just to shut up :-S

not doin much today, just lazin outside. dad wants me to cut the grass but its too hot to do anything, nd hes not offering money so no way lol.

been txtn alex again, nd told him about brighton he put 'brighton is for olds and gays lol' which i think is a bit true lol, bt he didnt say anything bad about gays.cant wait for him to come back now, hope he wants to do something when he gets back to ox.

all these rules

work wasnt that boring today, nt as bad as last week. i took my mac with me nd went on it at lunch cos otherwise it goes well slow nd everyone else talks about stuff bt not many people talk to me cos im new. frank sat with me for like 5 mins nd just talked about random shit. i thought he might not be that camp when everyone else is there bt omg hes exactly the same lol.

not allowed to text apart from on lunch which is a bit annoyn cos frank wasnt giving out all these rules when it was just me on saturdays :-S today ive been putting invoices on the accounts system then adding up the total to make sure ive done them all properly. its ok, nd better than just stood up shredding for hours. theres one woman thats nice called jean whos in the other office, none of the women in the main office talk to me.

got a lift back with matt nd i gave him 10 towards petrol cos dad said i should. just got home now nd val is here again, shes brought us a juicer which is nice bt nows shes moved everything around in the kitchen, propr taking over :-S

still not seen alex for ages nd think hes goin to italy again on sunday for like 2 weeks :-/

was gonna be goin out with nik nd dan tonight but cba now so gotta think of an excuse. just wanna laze tonight nd watch tv with matt, em is out nd dad nd val are going out for a meal. hope i can get matt a bit drunk :-p

fuck buddies

still been ignored by alex :-( he came on msn last night but then signed off like 1 second later, he prob didnt sign off more like blocked me. so i txt him nd im like 'so when we meeting up mate?' i actually put mate lol, just tryn to be all manly :-/

dad has made me get up again cos he thinks im gonna waste my life if i laze in bed a couple of mornings a week. hes suck a dick bt i just cba to argue with him. heard him on the phone again to val this morning, think they were talking about money bt omg i hope shes not gonna bleed us dry. he would probably sell my kidneys to give her money cos hes blates in love with her even tho he still says they are just friends. matt said they are fuck buddies lol yak think im gonna vom.

had a good aft with jamie yesterday, even tho has to listen to him talkn about girls like every other sentence. well wanted to put more sun cream on him, or maybe some of my special milky cream lol.

want him to come to oxford today cos meetn some ppl, bt dunno whether to tell him cos i know hatty is coming, nd it might look like ive done it on purpose. wish we were as close as we used to be cos if we were i think id propr tell him im gay, bt just not mention how ive wanted to get in his pants for like 5 years lol.

bored = wanking

got a txt from alex at like 7 this mornin just saying wuu2. random!!!! i put 'just laid in bed bored' nd replied in like 1 second nd said 'bored = wanking :-P' was thinkn of something to put back for ages but he txt again nd said hes got all series 1 of facejacker nd askd if i wanna watch it. im like 'yeah ok what time?' bt omg im like YAYYYYYY well surprised he wants me to come over. hope its not a joke or something :-S

dad is making breakfast nd val is here so weve got flowers in the kitchen and in the dining room lol. i dont even like flowers cos they smell weird nd its prob not even hygenic cos of all the pollen dust.

em nd matt went out last night nd she is still in bed. matt says shes ill and it could be food poisning, well its a bit of a fuckn coincidence how she always gets food poisoning after goin out in oxford!! she is laid in bed pretending to be ill bt dad says im rude cos im on my macbook at the table. ffs its not even ready yet nd i cba to listen to careers advice from val. matt never walks around in his undies when she is here :-( its the one thing about sunday i like cos he doesnt normally get dressed til lunch, nd shes ruined it. grrr.

me time / mac time

been working well hard all day again, nd dad has gone out so put the router on nd slying some me time / mac time :-) better rememebr to turn it back off this time tho haha.

he has been a twat today, nd only gave me a lift so i came straight home. he probs think ill escape nd then run away nd be a rent boy lol. been to a revision group today for 2 hours nd saw alex, didnt say that much but he didnt ignore me. he also txt me back earlier cos i asked him if he wantd a lift on thurs, he said no bt he wasnt mean nd he put 'good luck mate'.

last exam on thurs, cant wait cos theres a massive party on friday nd im gonna get soooo pissed :-D

having chinese tonight cos dad nd val have gone out, nd even em said ive been workn hard so its sort of a treat. just gotta wait for matt to get back nd drive us.