its hard to see life changing cos it happens every day in small bits, bt reading ur old diary nd blog that covers like half a decade is the biggest shock ever.
i never got it, how people thought my life was interesting or exciting. i think the everyday dullness of my life made it entertaining for the people reading this blog. i got a bit freaked out last summer by someone, who after giving me the worst advice ever to try and fuck things up for me, decided to turn up at my old work to try nd stalk me or something. fml just my luck to get a fat bald smelly stalker, where are all the hot bieber lookalike stalkers who are addicted to raping their victims?!
i stopped posting often about a year ago, but didnt stop writing. 141 unpublished.
i did a bad thing last year, that has changed my life in a way i never thought possible. the thing i released this morning is that deep down i dont really think what i did was *that* bad. this realisation is like ive found the forget it and move on switch inside my head.
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212 comments:
1 – 200 of 212 Newer› Newest»good to see you post again man....you have a lot of genuine followers out there who aren't stalkers! love to see some of those 141 unpublished....
cheers
Good on you Josh.
Good to see you're back. Hopefully everything is better for you now.
Also hoping that you're willing to share your 141 unpublished post one day.
Hey Josh
I checked your blog for the first time in a while this morning and was thrilled to hear that you had written something. I honestly do miss reading your posts. You have a good sense of humour and your posts are a really insightful. I hope you'll consider posting your 141 unpublished posts sometime. I'd love to see what you have been up to.
One of the best skills in life you can learn is to not dwell on the past, even if you did make a mistake. Everyone makes mistakes - life goes on.
I hope you reported that freak to the police. Not everybody who read your blog is anyway like that. Because you were getting hundreds of people readng, you sometimes get a werdio among the crowds.
I think that you shouldn't give out your personal email or any idea of what place you writing from apart from the city for your safety if you continue.
I found it interesting personally and its a real shame that that freak messed things up for everyone else.
Yay! You're Back! :D
Whatever you did, it probably wasn't that bad, Just someone else didn't agree. Nobody thinks of things from both sides of the story nowadays. Just keep your head up and move on :)
Josh, So sorry to hear that life became complicated and unpleasant for you. I am happy that you are ok. It sounds like today you made a good decision in your life, good for you!
Welcome back! We missed you.
Glad you found that switch,some people never do.
Josh to see you're back and hopefully ok.
Wow, the first blog in a while, well hope you manage to find the time to share with us more of your day today encounters.good to hear from you again and take care. x
does this mean regular posting again?
Glad to hear from you after all this time! Glad you seem to be sorting out your life. And no, what you posted in your diary/blog was not uninteresting. It's always extremely moving to be a witness of how a teenager deals with that extremely hard period of his life, especially when he's gay and struggling with himself and his family & friends.
If you ever feel like posting those 141...
Take care, "forget it & move on", Josh!
Josh,
It sounds like you have some heavy stuff you're dealing with. It's uplifting to hear that you're finding ways to get past it.
I hope you have someone available to talk to about things though, even if you haven't been venting to us. I know that when I keep heavy stuff to myself, I am not really rational about it, and all it takes is someone to offer a new perspective and suddenly my issue can be looked at differently and hopefully can be gotten over.
I have to say, it is wonderful to hear from you again. I've been checking fairly regularly in hopes that you would give us some kind of update.
What's interesting about your situation is that I don't know you. We don't know you, yet you have invited us into your life in a way that we don't usually experience. It's captivating and because we are brothers in humanity, we start to care. It's not that you're entertainment, maybe you were at first-just an interesting read and reminder of being in the teenage state (I'm 23)- but before long you became a person to care about and really pray for and to wish the best for.
I don't know how to better present my thoughts, but I guess what I'm really trying to do is send a verbal hug your way.
I hope you're not beating yourself up about things and that you can be and are a happy guy.
Anyway, it's really good to hear word from you again.
Sorry to hear the stalker was bald and bad looking, more like Danny DeVito instead Rick Martin or Bieber.
I would have stalked you myself it that made you happy, but then again, I am not that good looking either.
But really, it's indeed a pleasure to get some words from you after so long.
You blog was never dull and guess that for most of us, your writing voice is a reminder of things we have gone thru ages ago, but never had the courage to tell.
I don't know what could you have done that is so wrong.
All of us made a mistake at some point of our lives. Most of us, many, many mistakes, so just join the team of "everybody".
Please keep droping some words from time to time.
Good to hear you are ok. It is kind of strange I must admit, but it was interesting to read about you, hard to really explain why, so I hope you decide to publish those blogs. Hope everything works out for you! Take care. TH xx
Hey Josh! I hoped you would give us a clue as to how you are doing. If this bad thing is all about Alex, then forget it. Sorry some body was stalking you, he was probably some sick perv that thought you were an easy slut or something. Hope he doesn't bother you again. I think your life is interesting possibly because it is different from my own boring life. So yeah I for one would like to read your blog. Do you know somethings you write are just hilarious? Hope you pick up your blog again and write.
Jay
Hi Josh,
Glad you are OK. You seem to be moving on with your life and I hope college agrees with you. It is important that we can forgive ourselves and move on. I don't know what you did and you seem to want to keep it to yourself, but are making amends to someone in order? Sometimes we can never take something back or fix things, but sometimes we can.
Sorry about the bad advice you got and the stalker. I guess a lesson learned though.
Maybe we all think the grass is greener on the other side of the fence (or the ocean). Your so-called boring life is interesting to me. Would mine be interesting to you? Maybe. Maybe you are showing me what my life could have been, if I had made your choices.
Hugs, Roger
its great to hear from you dont let one creep ruin it for all please
Hey, whats happend to you?
good to hear from you, its taken me years to realise you cant keep thinking about mistakes that were made when you were younger, i probably like you done some silly things, and it goes over and over in your head, then one day it clicks that it wasnt even that bad, and you wonder why you wasted so much time worrying about it. im only 26 but wish i could go back to that time and say to myself, move on.
your blogs not boring, it's true reading of someone your age, your worries, concerns, thoughts, if it was crap, no one would of bothered reading it lol
anyway, keep your chin up, and remember if you decide to press the push button on your 141 unpublished, i expect everyone would be interested to read them, and relive some of there mistakes from the past, which are probably much worse. keep safe
To be honest, I'm surprised nobody stalked you sooner.
Josh, you should never feel guilty for liking someone and wanting to be with them. Desire is an incredibly powerful thing and can lead us to do things which we later regret. That's just how it is.
What did you do, anyway? ... My guess is you got a little carried away and touched him whilst he was sleeping.
Whatever ... who am I to judge ;-)
Keep bloging please.
It's good to hear from you again, Josh. I check quite often just in case. I hope you are feeling comfortable with yourself now. I'm sure you are not capable of doing anything really bad.
Perhaps you'll feel able to share some more thoughts with us eventually.
I wish you all the best.
:-)I hoped you'd come back sometime if only to let me know you are getting happy.
:-) I hoped you'd come back to say goodbye - now move on in what ever way make you feel happy.....
Hey Josh
Lovely to have you back on again! Please tell more about what you've been up to. It IS interesting!
Hugs
Adi
I still click on your blog every now and then just in case you've posted something. I hope this is you maybe starting to post again regularly. Your blog is great, so glad I found it. XOXO
Hey josh!
Sorry for the stalker.Not need be worry about it from me.An ocean and quite some land between us!
Now, if you could be just a little more clear about that "bad thing", it would help understand what you are feeling today...
In any case, is nice to read from you again. Good luck, young man.
(Long-time reader, first-time commenter).
i believe in yer.
Good Luck Josh :-)
Glad to hear from you Josh.
Josh, I probably check your site every few months to see if your back. You said that you wonder why people would want to read your blog. It is just like you said when you reviewed your old writings. It was like you barely remember that person. We all have had experiences that have changed our lives and we long to be back in those days when things were much simpler. Your sweet innocence and raw truth you put in your writings reminds us of those times. I'm sorry you had bad times and weird stalkers. Look forward to your next post.
Gary
Glad to see a new post. Still check in once a week or so to see if you've come back. Some of us just enjoy reading life from a different point of view other than our own. Be good to YOU!
welcome back man. missed your posts.
Great to have you back Josh. I have kept checking your blog every few days hoping that ou will return. Forget about the past and aim high for the future
Hey Josh,
Sounds like some pretty fucked up stuff has happened to you... I'm glad you're dealing with it well and moving on. Hope all is well, and that at some point you start your blog again (though judging by the stalker dude you should probably leave some more specific info out huh?)
I guess your blog could seem pretty mundane to you, but when I started reading it, it was just good to know other people were going through the same shit I was. For some reason I always liked your writing the best, and never stopped checking it after you quit posting...Anyways I wish you the best, hope you find happiness!
glad your doing well fella always liked reading your blog sometimes funny sometimes sad but always interesting
OMG you're actually back. By the way: it wasn't the dullness, it was the way you made us part of your wicked and often humorous thoughts. Just a fun blog to read. Hope you'll share with us at least some of your 141 unpublished gems...
Wow, I didn't really think I'd ever see a new post on your blog. I'm glad I came back to check!
So why is it people really liked your blog? I can only speak for myself: It was certainly not the dullness of your life. I think for me a big part was "parasocial interaction". Reading your blog made it possible to relive similar situations I had been through or to see how others (you) acted in those situations. On that basis I could go on to imagine what could have been and what could be if I (had) acted differently. I guess many of your readers had similar reasons to read your blog having grown up somewhere and somewhen "as gay teenager".
Now all this would be true for any other gay teenager's blog. In my eyes two things made your blog special:
1) Writing about oneself shows personality traits. And the traits I found in your blog were those of a person I liked. Maybe loveable is the right word, I'm not sure as my English is not good enough. I'll give just one example: I have a list of quotes I keep coming back to as they mean something to me. Next to many celebrities that list involves an answer you gave on formspring (i always try nd be nice to people, even ppl that no one likes, cos... it feels nice (selfish lol) and cos its a gd thing to do.) That may seem banal, but I saw a lot of wisdom and goodheartedness (is there such a word?) in it. Much more than one would expect from a teenager. Just an example, but it might give you an idea.
2) The style of your writing showed both wit and ease.
So much for that ;-)
Your latest post verifies what I've just written: I find myself. I've been through loads of self-doubts. And I'm struggling on my way to like myself. I don't know what that "bad thing" was. But you are probably right - it wasn't that bad. I'll give you two more quotes: "To meddle with yourself is not much use. Just go your way. I hold myself to be good by nature and if I do something bad from time to time that's natural, too." (my translation from a German painter) and: "To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romace." (Oscar Wilde)
So, I am happy to read what you wrote. And if you could tell me where exactly to look for that move on switch I would be a very thankful little man.
If you decide to start blogging again, I will be back to check. And if not, well: I wish you all the best!
Jens
Josh,
I read your blog because I like your writing. You have talent there. I am glad you kept writing in private. I think that one day your skills in this department will reward you handsomely. I have not checked your blog in months, but I did today for some reason. Sorry you have a stalker. Thats so creepy. Don't blame you for staying off blogger.
David in Boston USA
I am glad that you are coming to terms with whatever happened last year. Your life is interesting (I use the present tense) because your writing and your insights to the personality of others makes it interesting (and often very funny). Your sexuality had nothing to do with it as far as I was concerned; the blog reflects all the angst and ambition of a teenager. I am glad that you have continued to write (it will help rationalise lfe for you), sad that so much was removed and sorry that so much is unpublished. It's awful that you were stalked. If you choose to restart the blog that would be good but not if it attracts people you could do without. Good luck, whatever.
What's this about a stalker? And what could you have done that was so "bad"?
No comments? People who checked everyday must have stopped looking. They're gonna flip their shit if they ever see that there's a new post.
Anyway, it's good you didn't stop writing. Very therapeutic, even if you don't intend for it to be read.
Wow, Josh. Good to hear from you. Apparently a lot has happened in your life if there are 141 unpublished posts.
It's hard to say what people saw, but your blog, in all its glory, was interesting to read...dull, exciting..interesting it was. I've been reading since nearly the beginning. It's been nothing if not interesting. It's too bad you had the stalker, that really puts a damper on the fun of a blog.
Josh, you can post the bad, the good, the ugly, you know those of use who came to care about you and your life, even if it was "only" through your blog, will not judge you or think less of you.
I'm glad you found that switch, I think all of us have one somewhere. I know I've had to search for mine a time or two, too. If you ever want to talk about it, you can find me at jaygeemmm@hotmail.com...promise no stalking! And in any case, glad you're moving on.
Peace <3
Jay
(ps, i figured if i commented on your last post, you'd get a bunch of comments from the subscribers - 72 more than mine as of tonight! HAHAHAHAHA)
Glad to see a post on here! Welcome back. We have missed you. You know, when ever you need to vent, you have us, your loyal fans who support you!
Josh, your blog was indeed interesting and even sometimes exciting, and it wasn't because of the "everyday dullness" - that did exist in places, but it just made you more real. No, it was because you were struggling with things that many of your readers are going through or have gone through. We were rooting for you, kid, and anxious for you.
I would love to see those 114 entries, and I'm sure a shit-ton of other folk would as well. But whatever you do, don't just let them stagnate in the "unpublished" section of your blog: make a local copy of them! (use TrueCrypt if you're worried about privacy) You'll be glad you did.
Affectionately,
Kirill
Hi Josh
Thought I'd take a casual look and good to see you've just published again.
I've followed your blog from pretty much the beginning and I think that what has made it good is that it's honest, witty and well-written. So many people thought it was written by someone older, which is a big compliment if you think about it - it shows how impressive it was.
Hope you're going to publish more -any of the 141?
Big questions. Are you still living at home? And what's the bad thing - anything to do with Alex? You didn't jump him, did you? Sexual assault. He almost deserves it.
Hi Josh
Thought I'd take a casual look and good to see you've just published again.
I followed your blog from pretty much the beginning and I think that what has made it good is that it's honest, witty and well-written. So many people thought it was written by someone oldere, which is a big compliment if you think about it - it shows how impressive it was.
Hope you're going to publish more -any of the 141?
Big questions. Are you still living at home? And what's the bad thing - anything to do with Alex? You didn't jump him, did you? Sexual assault. He almost deserves it.
nice to hear from ya. first time i've checked back here in months. i think your blog was popular because at some point most of us have gone through (or are going through) something similar. it's almost like reading our own diary. you've been insipirational. and also, i'm sure it's been fap fodder for the creepers, haha. keep it real, josh.
tell us more
hey josh, good to hear from you after such a long time. hope you got things working for you now. wow, 141 unpublished posts, thats a lot, love to read them. the reason why i've been reading all (yes, from the first one) your posts, is just because you have a lovely, cynical way of describing things, i like that. and besides that i think we have some qualities in common. hope to hear from you soon.
Hi Josh!
It's been too long my friend! I have been dropping by often only to be greeted with "pretty good"! lol! I hope you don't wait another 7 months before your next post.
Anyway...are you going to publish the 141? I always find your posts interesting and/or funny! You have a talent for writing!
I really hope you are well and happy.
Keep writing
Josh xxx
Josh, so good to finally hear something from you. I check everyday hoping that you will come back. Sorry to hear you had a creepy stalker.
I so wish you would publish some info about what happened last year. But, I understand why you haven't. You have lots of friends here in America and around the world who want to be supportive.
I'm sure in that crowd is proably another creepy stalker too...so be careful with what you publish. Its your life.
I hope it helps for you to know that there are people out here who really care about you and want you to be happy.
what did you do that was so bad josh? glad to hear you're still alive
Holy crap he's back....Josh, we never stopped believing in you. And you can never know how much your story has meant to all of us. I check back almost every week, and I know there are others.
Its been too damn long.
Weird. I haven't been on blogger for months, but then today I remembered your blog and thought I'd have a look to see if you had posted again, and found this.
A nice surprise, although not nice to hear about the stalker obviously. Good to hear from you anyway, hope you are well and generally enjoying life as much as possible. Hopefully not all the advice you receive on here is so disastrous :/
Tom x
Well, I have decided to delurk after all these years because I think I can answer one of the questions implicit in your recent and most welcome posting, at least from my perspective.
People loved your blog, I think, for several reasons, the most obvious being that you are a wonderful writer--clear, interesting and able to tell a story. You could publish stories commercially if you put your mind to it. Put all your blog entries together and you have a book!
Second, you have a brilliant sense of irony and humour. I laughed out loud when that boy had his trousers pulled down on the driveway and many other times.
Third, you have always been honest with us. While you withheld some private and painful things for understandable reasons, I never felt that you were shading the truth on anything else. We got the real Josh, warts and all.
Finally, and perhaps most important, you have the rare talent of being able to make people care. We were interested in your life because we cared about you and your family and friends and even Frank and Auntie Maureen. We miss them.
So it doesn't matter if you're not involved in exciting and danger-filled activities. You can make the everyday slog worth reading. And if you should decide to publish some or all of the missing 141, I think everyone here would be very glad to see them.
Thanks, Josh. For the blog.
Hi Josh! Great to hear from you again, funny I should be the first one to comment... hope whatever you did didn't get you in too much trouble and remember - regret doesn't serve a single purpose. Either you do something or you don't, and once its done either you try to fix it / apologize or you decide to move on. There's no in between! Don't be too hard on yourself - take care - J. from Amsterdam ps your life isn't at all boring and your style of writing is great! Publish some more if you feel like it!
Nice to see you back, Josh. Even though it might only be for a flying visit. Hope you are having a good time and doing well at college - second year? Still with Sops? If you feel like telling, let us know; I'm sure that are some like me who still check your blog regularly and wish all the best for you.
Take Care,
Michael
Great to see you back here Josh!
It sounds like you've had a bad deal from this blog, but I hope you've got enough good things from it, both from honest, helpful comments and messages people have posted and from what you saw when you read it back, to make up for the bad sides of internet life.
Maybe you should publish some or all of the 141, for future re-reading?
Hope you're ok, and that maybe we see a little more of you round these parts.
x
glad to see that you are back. You may have stopped posting but everybody didn't stop hoping.
Good to see you're still alive and life goes on. I've checked often, but had given up hope of seeing any more posts here.
its good to know you are ok, always kept checking the blog in order to know news from you. We all do bad things and sometimes those things help as a wake up call so we can grow up, but never forget that our actions also affect others and a gay rule is never to hurt others.. We love you josh cause we are in a certain way related to your stories, it has happened to all of us .. keep in touch .. B!
I hope you are happier in yourself now than you were after that last summer when everything went wrong. I disagree that your blog was dull it was the everyday honesty that shone through and made it the most interesting blog on the net for me. Your blog was the closest thing i have seen that came anywhere near to my experiences but you had more bravery at a younger age to accept your feelings and even to act on them. All i know is that the older you get the more accepted different lifestyles are and that there are many different special people out there who over time if you let them into your life will enrich your life and your inner self. I hope you are still in contact with your family cos there will always be a stronger bond there than anywhere else so long as they accept you and you accept some restrictions and i hope after reading your blog for years that you still come across jamie from time to time. I wish i had commented more than the couple of times i did cos i grew up in small town england about 10 years before you did and i was faced with similar situations and i maybe could have helped out so sorry about that but i hope that some time you maybe post your unpublished comments cos would be an interesting read/rollercoaster ride i guess. I would agree with others who though you could be a writer because the best writers i know have the ability to make the everyday things interesting and fun and to capture the essence of a life and that is something you had in spades. Make the most of your life cos you are a special guy.
yay! josh is back!
Hi Josh,
Seems liek they've all gone.
Did you shag the fish ?
Take care,
All the best,
Nik x
Hi Josh,
Seems liek they've all gone.
Did you shag the fish ?
Take care,
All the best,
Nik x
well tell us more? bad boy or good boy or just a real person? dont keep us waiting!
Publish them! There are still those that visit the blog every so often to see if you are back with us
nice to hear from you again!
hey josh- glad to see you are still writing- even though you are not publishing- i liked reading your stories, i guess because when i was your age i didn't have this outlet, and reading about what you do, how you are feeling, tells me that we all pretty much experience the same things- in big or small ways- hope you start sharing again someday-
welcome back.
Anychance of saying what this bad thing was?
If you mean well then you shouldn't feel bad about anything you do.
(Just to let you know, I (18) was coming out at the same time as you and was living in basically the same area (Reading), your blog really helped.)
Hey Josh it's great to see a post from you. Glad that you are sorting through things and by the sounds of It on. I don't think people liked your blog cause your life was boring they liked it cause it was real and allowed us to be a part of your life perhaps helping us to realize we are not that alone or different .
I left you a message on formspring saying how happy i was that your back <3 im 15 and i could relate to a lot of the things you posted! please post your unpublished!
Joshie.. I sure miss you.. but WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT.. lol!!!! Please please explain!
Glad you are well
I've been reading your blog for a few years now. I just finished high school when I started and now I'm about to graduate college. I don't even remember how I stumbled upon it. It was always something I looked forward to. I suppose I was drawn to it because it was so honest, hopeful, and it was cool to read about someone who dealt with the same issues I dealt/was dealing with. I think it was the whole idea of this shared gay experience that made it so captivating. It's silly to think that all of your readers were connecting with someone that lived thousands of miles away, but it can be a lonely world out there and your blog made it more bearable in it's small way. I hope you keep updating (or at least publish those entries) because its comforting to know that we are all not alone in our common challenges. I've been thinking about starting a blog myself, actually. Anywho, whether or not you choose to update again I just want to say thank you for sharing this part of your life with us.
- garrett
Nice to see a post Josh, I think your Blog connected with so many people, and people felt a part of your lifes adventure.
Good Luck with all the future holds for you.
All the best James.
Hi Josh, nice to know you have not fallen off the planet entirly. what have you been doing? do tell, i expect a lot of your followers would like to know. all the best
Tim
Josh!
How wonderful to hear from you again. I'd almost given up, and had stopped checking every week to see if there was a post.
You were much loved by so many people, at least as a writer, and probably as a person too, and I can't be the only one who wondered what could have gone so wrong for you suddenly to stop.
Could you think about giving us some idea of what the problem was (I do remember your telling us you'd been badly let down, but not exactly how.)
I am a lot older than you; but I wouldn't dream of stalking you, though I'd be delighted to meet you one day!
I hope you are happier now. Do tell us (and give us some of those 141 posts, too!).
Very best wishes
davy
Hey Josh great to hear you're still alive ! Just stumbled in here after not looking in since you stopped posting. Hope your life is going well. If you're ready I'm sure we'd all like to hear your stories again. Younger, older, or your age, we all know about growing up gay. Sorry to hear you got stalked. Stay safe.
oooo,what did you do?
Glad that you seem to be ok Josh! Hope to hear more about what happened during your absence.
It was good to read you're still writing and thinking. Tough to grow up, but it will get better for certain.
hey josh.... good to read u again, even if it sounds like life ain't great with u atm. hope you're hanging in there tho mate.
OMG Josh i'm just glad ur alive and still trying, just tell us more
good to see your still around and hope your doing well.
Are we ever going to see those 141 unpublished?
I've kept coming back all this time hoping you would be back.
I am happy to see you post as that means nothing has happened to you.
Paul
Be strong, Josh. Remember you only live once.
Welcome back! Hopefully you fill us in one day!
Do you intend to publish any of your 141?
I'd also be curious to know what the bad-that-wasn't might've been
Not a bald old stalker myself, but I've followed your blog on and off out of curiosity, so it's nice to see an upate
What was it that you actually did?
Hey Josh! :)) What a surprise!! It's great to see you are still blogging. Just dropped by here on a rainy Saturday cos nothing else to do .. and there you were.. Brilliant!! Sun is shining again..
Anyways, everyone tells you that life is not easy and now you know for sure.
Thanks for the hundreds of times before that you troubled to Blog -- and YES!! your words are interesting, even captivating at times... LOL
Good Luck to you Josh whatever you're doing now.. I hope you have found a truly hot BF...
God Bless Joshy -- even though I'm an Atheist .. LOL LOL
Hugs...
Wow, sounds like an amazing amount of stuff has happened since we last heard from you. You sound better though. Good to hear from you.
glad to hear your still alive! Keep writing even if you dont publish! hope all is well
-ac
hope you're ok mate :) ive read your blog from the beginning and it's great to see you around again, even if it is briefly. i guess the tag for the post says it all and, tbh, you dont need to say any more if you dont want to.
in 10 years time you'll look back and it'll be even stranger than reading back just a year. but more importantly you'll realise that, well, shit happens, and you learn and grow from things.
i really hope you're doing well dude, you've always seemed like a great guy <3
ps. im kinda bieber-like, so dont worry lol
So what does that mean.......You are done with this blog. I stopped checking for posts daily about two months ago. I gave up on you, maybe long after you gave up on this blog.I think many have deleted it from their favorites. Shut it down if you aren't going to post. Have some guts.
Josh you have to come back! Just start a little at a time. Ok?
Wow Josh - shocked that you posted something. Hope that you're well.
Josh! I don't know what made me check your blog again after all this time but seeing your post made me smile. If only to know that you're still around somewhere and basically OK.
For what it's worth I think a lot of people found your blog interesting because it WAS so normal. And you were going through the everyday things that most of us either had been through or were going through. Some of us wanted to help, some were concerned, some wanted to give you a big virtual hug, and yeah some wanted to perve lol. Plus your writing is very engaging.
Quite upset and angry to hear about your stalker person - I hope it's been properly dealt with now.
And you know, whatever that bad thing was last year (probably a lot of people made a good guess) we ALL make mistakes and take risks that aren't that smart. But it's just how we learn and get to be better people isn't it? Good for you for getting perspective and moving on.
I hope everything else in life is going well and so maybe for the last time,
Peace, brother.
Hi Josh!
I am so happy to read your message. I think your honesty about your life is just that what makes your blog so interesting. Your life is just a variety of mine, which makes it understandable and interesting. I would be extremely happy to read again from you. I read your blog from the beginning and checked so now and than after you stopped posting. Still hoping for a sign of your life. And there it was! Please post again, you will make many people happy.
Very warm wishes - Reimar
everyday life may be dull and repetitive, but if you're a gay teenager it'll yield difficulties and situations that a lot of people can relate to, or find stimulating, or whatever.
still, it takes some skill to write it up in a fashion that keeps people interested. you have that skill, and you come across as authentic - therefore, quite many sympathetic folks were reading you, following the life of Josh. some seemed to mistake it for a screen to project weird little phantasies on, judging by the comments they left. dude, you must've got some creepy e-mails!
when you stopped posting shortly after it became clear that some heavy shit went down, it was a little worrying; on the other hand, i assumed you were too busy making things work again to keep the blog updated. working things out away from the audience and their anonymous teachings seemed like a good idea, too. is that why you didn't publish anything?
so it turns out my feed reader is still subscribed to your blog, which means i got wind of this sign of life. i'm glad for it, and i'm glad to hear that this bloke Josh is still out there, living his life and moving on... well, good luck.
if you ever decide to write again, and share it, i won't mind at all.
For every Bieber out there, there's a fat smelly stalker. It's how the world just doesn't up and blow itself apart. The secret's how to spot who's who, and if i knew that I'd be a happy bunny. Be a happy bunny Josh...
At least you've come to learn from your past...
has these past months at least help you any?
Josh - I stopped reading blogs a while back, so whatever you did has passed me by. We all have to move on from time to time ... I am glad to read that you found the switch. It's never easy, but sometimes you just have to press it.
Glad you're still around. Look after yourself - yours is the first blog I ever read. Namaste. G =]
So intruiging. One of those tag names is a little alarming too.
Best wishes. Glad you're moving on.
Hey Josh,
I don't usually leave comments but see that all the other posters seem to have abandoned you and thought you have left!
I ready your blog the whole way through not long before you stopped posting. I found it facinating seeing how other peoples lives can seem so similar to your own. Makes you feel more comfortable and less alone.
Sorry to hear about the problems you have been having and i hope eventually you will publish the 141 unpublished blogs because im sure many people would love to read how things have gone.
Im glad you have come to terms with the problems you have had and move on. You always came across as a very nice person and you deserve some luck in your life.
Hope things go well in the future and keep blogging! :-)
yay, you're not dead :-)
Hi Josh. clicked on your bookmark just to see if your blog was still there, and there was a new post. People do change as you say, but if even if your life seemed dull to you it was interesting to other people because it was different from theirs and because you were honest in your blog. Sorry to hear about the stalker.
I was in Oxford in August leading a group of tourists round the city. I had to use Google street view to plan it the night before because I only knew how to get off the bus from Bicester and go to the station. I thought, "I wish Josh was here to help me." Where are people when you need them!
Whatever you did that you thought was bad, others have done worse. just forget it. Keep in touch!
Though I wouldn't want you to dwell on the unpleasant, I find myself curious enough to ask: what did you do that it lingered with you so long? Good that you're coming to terms with it, though, whatever it is.
welcome back...I often wondered what happened to you. and I always thought you were a nice guy. ^^ we always make mistakes in our life...but hey...the show must go on. :)
Hey Josh
Welcome back hope your ok...
Hey Josh, glad to hear that you are ok. Sorry to hear about the creep.. I hope you get around to posting the 141..I would like to catch up to what has been going on. A long time reader from Texas here..
thanks for posting!! please feel free to post more!!
Nobody left a comment and yet I still read this blog. Shit happens in life, you just gotta deal wid it and move on.
Life is a work in progress son. Nobody is perfect. We are all of us just trying to do the best we can. If you make a mistake learn from it -move on and do better. Your a good kid and thanks for the entertainment you have provided by this blog.---But jeez don't stop now it's just gettin good. Abortions ,--porn boyfriends,--wanking out a window....this is good stuff
JOSH!
So what did you do that was so bad?
Oh and my friends mock me for having Bieberish looks.
We miss you a lot. Hopefully you'll post those unpublished diaries when you feel the time is right. I hope everything is okay with your life right now, and if it isn't, I hope it get's better.
welcome back missed u
Since there are no comments posted yet, I assume you are not allowing them. I just wanna say how exciting it was to follow your life as a young man. As a MUCH older man now, it was like living life anew through you. Thank you Josh so much. And I think you'd still be surprised how many fans would like a REAL update on your growing up. I mostly want to know how your family life turned out. Are ya good with Dad? with that twat of a sis? just sayin'
Keep writing Josh. As long as it makes u whole.
I always tell the young guys to stick to guys around their own age. The best things in life ARE the ordinary things of life and that includes having a sex life. Celebrity is bullshit and stress wears you down. Does being uninhibited make a person bad? Live and learn but don't let people take the joy of life away from you! - Wayne :)
i know u wouldn't mind me stocking you but i live in the states:(
Glad to know you are still alive......I say publish them - we have missed you!
Welcome back! Hope everything goes well for you in the future...
Please add some of your unpublished works Josh, I used to love reading your blog it was awesome!!
Good to hear from you. I hope you will be releasing all or some of those stories that you have been writing, because indeed your life is interesting. Perhaps because it is so recognisable, perhaps because you are so different than I am. Good luck with whatever problems you are facing.
It's just good to know you are doing Okay. 141 unpublished? Does it means that you really need someone to talk to but there isn't any one that you feel like spilling it out to? Or maybe i'm just thinking too much. Anyway all the best and really glad you post something.
not everyboby is gone,
I'd like to read what you've written.
very happy to hear from you
youve got to publish them all and start blogging again!!
Miss your blog,will you ever post the 141 unpublished
I did read your blog, so some of us are still here.
you should publish :)
Hi Josh!
I left a comment when you published your latest message last month. According to your blog no comments have been received. Perhaps you didn't receive mine. I am glad that you didn't stop writing after your unpleasant experience last year. Perhaps you'll see your way clear to publish these at some time. I'm sure that I am not the only one who would be interested to hear about what is happening to you.
I wish you well in your life. Don't on any account undersell yourself.
Good luck to you Josh. Whatever way your life goes, others can always fuck your path up and you have to go around, but you know, you still get over it and when you look back, it gets further and further away. Take care and thanks for all the little adventures.
I think what was interesting was watching your life unfold...the episodic nature of blog posts makes for an intriguing drama. We got to be voyeurs, looking into your personal diary. Lots of us went through similar stuff.
I think people really do care, I'm sure there were some perv like people hoping for some sex details, but I think for the most part that people felt like they had a connection to you. For people older they could remember going through what you went through. For younger, they might be going through it to.
I used to check your blog every day, but then there weren't any more posts, so kind of stopped, but kept the book mark and now only check it once a month.
Whatever you think was so bad probably only seemed it at the time. I've read all of your entries Josh - you're a good guy, you just need to not be so hard on yourself.
I hope you'll be back from time to time, when it feels right for you. Hang in there, you'll be fine!
Rich
Publish and be damned!!
You live Josh! I'd like to think this might signal a return to more regular posting, but I guess I'll wait and see. I think you'd be amazed at how interested we are in even the mundane, run of the mill parts of your life, but I imagine at least one or two genuinely interesting things have happened in your life this year. And you had to go all cryptic again about last year's events, when I'd given up on ever finding out the full story.
Josh, I used to read your blog constantly but never commented. I clicked on it today just to check and there you were. I'm glad you are still around and still writing, although I'm sorry to hear of the rough times and the stalker. ugh!
Anyway, the reason your followers loved reading your blog is that the quality of your writing is really excellent and you can make the most mundane things fascinating. I hope you continue to use your writing skills and I for one would love to read the stuff you haven't published but I understand you need to be careful. Take care of yourself and know you are still loved online. Chris from USA
Glad to hear from you again after all this time.
Hope you're well.
Will yo be posting those 141 posts?
Whatever you did, nothing is ever as bad as it first seems...
josh
plse publish comments
x
Hey Josh, just checked bk on ur blog and read the 141 unpublished! Ur blog WAS awesome and it'd be really cool if u started blogging again - I had a wee routine of checking out your gossip for the day, I miss this... And the bad thing, write about it it may be therapeutic xx
Hey man, I'm glad you posted this. I think the reason I used to read ur blog so much is b/c it was nice to know there was someone else going through the same thing as me. Having the same thoughts, etc. Reading about ur ups and downs helped me deal with mine, so I want to say thank-u. :)
I think ur a sweet guy and a rly good writer. Idk what u did that u think is so bad, but I hope u follow ur heart b/c I think it is good. I started college so it's easier for me now, I hope things are going well for u now too. I hope u'll post some more, ur damn funny and cute. Anyway, take care,
scott
illevahcam@yahoo.com
I figured I'd finally write a comment. I'm a guy in his mid-20s who has been reading your blog from the start pretty much but never commented. Tbh there were too many comments from people who were either just wanting to see a young teen naked or wanted to be your best friend and give you advice and gain trust to get in your pants later. Since I was neither one of those I decided to skip the comments and just read your posts.
I think what really drew me to your blog, and I'm sure I'm not the only one like this, was the fact that I once went thru many similar situations as you. So it was fun to hear another persons story and see how they react.
So while you say your life was boring, I enjoyed reading about it. Wow that sounds kinda creepy but you get what I mean. Thank you for all the posts and I hope you stop in from time to time to tell us how you are.
-Andy
u r the best, glad to c u back, miss u man, lets meet up and I can show you a gr8 time x
put them in a book, make some money off it, i'm sure the paedo's will lap it up.
most of all though, carry on smiling.
ooooo wot happened?
oooo tell me what happened?
it was always interesting to read about someone elses life.. thats why i come by to check your blog once in a while even though you've been absent for some time.. but glad to see you've come to post something all this time.. whether life has been treating you well or not, you've always seem to be able to pick yourself back up.. so don't let anything in life bring you down!
Hi Josh,
Not sure what lead me to your blog in the first place, but im wondering if you are all good still.
hope lifes good dude!
You should put up your unpublished stories, maybe letting people see them will make you feel better about whatever it is, and reassuring comments are really peoples reasons for writing blogs in the first place! :)
Hope to hear from you.
I'm sry, Josh.... come again?
No comment? You managed to get completely forgotten?
Frankly your life has been a bit dull, but it was very well written. You were honest and could pick small interesting things that made it real, that's why I read it. Thats why I'd like to read the 141 unpublished entries. But I can see that the interesting things that occur sometimes happen to be unpleasant. I wish you more of the pleasant ones. And I don't believe you could do anything really bad.
How old are you now?
Hey, don't know what it was that you did, but you must move on. If you hurt someone, apologize to them and ask for their forgiveness. If they give it, then good, but if not, there is nothing you can do about that. Just don't do the bad thing again.
You may or may not read this. If you do, then know that some of us do still care about you.
Hugs!
Ray
listen to the song "Sweet Viginia" by the Rolling Stones got to move on...
keep posting.. i used to read your blog back in highschool was very interesting.. and im not a fat old creepy stalker :P
Dear Josh
Rather an odd and rambling entry from you, but as always, much valued.
I hope you're faring well
I do miss your postings. You write with such immediacy, wit and honesty. I wish you had posted those unseen pages.
I still check your blog regularly.
Best wishes from the Antipodes
Josh. You gonna upload the 241?
C'mon Joshie.. tell us what you did that changed your life...
Whoever gave you that advice should be strung up! If he messed with your life.. it's not good!
I used to be a regular reader of your blog too, and sure have missed your writing.
The only advice I would offer? Listen to your heart! If you still want to blog.. go ahead and post. If you want to stop.. it's your choice, and nobody has the right to tell you what to do.
I wish you well for the future, and thank you for all of the posts you have written in the past. All the best :)
come back to the five-and dime jimmy dean, jimmy dean! we still care
--Davey
Everyone makes mistakes. It's a condition of life.
sounds dreadful. Stopped checking your blog for updates, I figured you were moving on with your life. You have a great writing style, would still hold an audience. Maybe try selling your story to Alloy or something.
well, the reason I liked reading you was because we live quite far away and our realities Im sure are very different, and yet you seemed to had problems very similar to the one I had, and I specially liked how you put them in to words, in a way I can't, I mean, you made it quite amusing to read.
hope you keep doing well.
best of luck goin thru tough times. they don't last forever
the main reason people got caught up with reading your blog was not that your life seemed dull but that you wrote very wittily (and then shared the alex stuff) about it.
sorry you seem sad now. there are soo many people wishing you well
Not sure what made me check your blog but good to see you are still around.
Personally speaking, reading your blog reminded me of being your age, and seeing how despite 20 years passing nothing has really changed when you are gay and still at school. Its reassuring to know life is just as hard for the person who's blog you are reading as it is was for yourself.
Stalkers are a fact of life on the net though - and they are ALWAYS fat bald and smelly - if they weren't they would probably have enough of a life not to need to stalk.
Glad ur still alive and fighting, and if the "bad" thing you mention was the Alex thing then seriously it wasnt bad. It gets better. x
hope you will publish someday!
Hi josh
Great to see you posting again, even if it's several months between posts ;-)
Without knowing what "the bad thing" was, it's difficult to comment, but as I'm sure you realise that a huge proportion of the online gay community (I hate that word, lol) was utterly in love with you. I know I was, despite not really having a clue what you look like.
It's unfortunate that the fat smelly bloke turned up, but it was always going to happen. You gave people enough clues to find you, I suppose. I'm sure he wasn't the only one who tried to find you. I bet Summertown's tourist statistics have fallen significantly since you stopped publishing ;-)
I wanted to send this by email, in the vain hope that you would reply, but can't find your addy.
I would love to read the unpublished blog entries and I'm sure I'm not the only one. Hell, I'd happily pay to read it ...
I said to you once before you should take the blog down and have it published properly. You might not think it was Anne Frank, but seriously dude, your blog is uniquely engaging for people like me.
Anyway. Just wanted to say I'm glad you're ok. Now I have seen you post again, I'll probably go back to checking your blog every day for updates. I'm sad, I know, lol.
My email is gravy@gravy.myzen.co.uk
I'd love to hear from you if you get a moment. I'm not a Bieber lookalike, I'm afraid. ;-)
I very much doubt you would be interested in me, but bizarrely, I still kinda love ya, Josh ... In a good way, not in a creepy stalkery, turning up to find you, kind of way.
Please don't publish this with my email addy.
Dave
x
Real shame you stoped publishing man...
I loved your posts. You should write to your readers once more...
Whatever it was, I am glad you have been able to move on from it.
I have pretty much stopped writing too - for the moment, blogging has run its course for me, and you too, I think.
One day in the future we will read about each other, I am sure. In the meantime, go well, and stay well, my friend. G=]
publish please
publish please
A great blog u have goin here!! :)
Always leaves me with a smile even in my dark days :)
Josh.. Kudos boi! :)
Just glad you're okay (:
If you ever feel like talking, you know where to find us. We'll be waiting!
Nice to see a post from you again. Sorry you got pestered by someone. Hope the forget it and move on switch continues to work. Would be nice to see more from you.
Nice to hear from you again. Im sorry you got pestered by someone. I hope the forget it and move on switch continues to work.
a christmas message lol ?
if it means anything to you josh, i still check regularly for updates.
matt, 19, australia :)
Glad you're safe and well -- missing your posts. And glad you've found the forget-it-and-move-on switch -- I need to find it too. I did a bad thing about 6 years ago (like you, not THAT bad, but just a stupid thing you wake up every morning guilting over). There's nothing you can do but try to put it behind you. If you still feel bad after this much time, chances are you've learned everything that you can.
MERRY CHRISTMAS JOSHIE!!!
Josh? Are you there? Please.. please make our day and shout out a Christmas wish to us!
I dont really know why you dont wanna post anymore but I guess Im like the only one who still checks this blog hoping you will start back up. You really should, even if its not every day or every week, once or twice a month is better than not at all.
As late as this coment might be XD and to the possibility you never read it at all (or laugh at my bad english, I'm from venezuela)
It wasn't dull at all. It was a true story, with many hooks. The rutine, the teen life, the represión, everything. The sexual tension. It made a great stoiry to read (I even hink it would make a nice indepedent film).
I think people kept reading waiting for you to loose your virginity XD (creepy, huh?)
By the end, It was unexpected. i never understood what happened. You lost what we were waiting for you to loose, and it wasn't important. It wasn't the big post about the "lost V" with details or anithing. Just a random line in another post. It lost meaning because you grew up and the reader had to do it too. Never knew why or how. But something happened that stayed partially in the dark and that was a nice ending. Unexpected. But never dull =) a great ending.
Thanks for sharing that.
I never left a comment before XD random! Wish you had published the 141, though. Would be a nice epiloge. But still, it was never dull.
Josh,
We really do miss you. I hope you are well and happy.
Your friend,
Mike in America
Josh, how are you doing?
Are you ever going to post again?
whats the bad thing?
wow, just read your update.
141 unpublished? seems you moved on from blog to diary!
whatever you did, whatever you feel now, take care of yourself and keep on trying!
i wish you all the best!
salomon76, unfrequent reader ;-)
Joshie we followed you because your posts were so f'ing adorable!
Hi Josh. Well it looks like I'm the first to comment. It says you posted this back in September of 2011? I thought I had checked your blog since then. I do pop back and check it every now and then. I used to love reading it when you were posting regularly. It's a shame that you don't post anymore, especially as you are still writing. I can only guess you don't feel like sharing your personal business with the world anymore. Your latest post is begging for people to ask what the bad thing was that you did! Again, maybe the details of which you might not want to share. Glad to hear you are moving on from it though. Lots of things come to try us in life, but moving past them and growing stronger and wiser proves testament to our strength of character as we get older. It would be nice to hear more from you Josh, but obviously that's your choice. Whatever you decide to do with your blog, best wishes with things, and be proud of who you are :) Gary x
you stupid git. we read because we remember what it was like to be you. Only we are rooting for it to turn out different. Don't stop writing. Keep your journal until you can publish it. One day, hopefully while we're still alive, we can look back at all this and wonder how people were so discriminated against us for so long.
Give us a reply. Josh.It seems so depressing amd life-defeating otherwise - which so contradicts what your perspective used to be. Change is natural but talk to the guys who will always support you...
it's funny, I just happened to remember your blog and thought I'd come back to see if it was still here. You won't remember me, but years back we emailed each other a bit. Now I'm just a creepy internet stalker (closer to a Bieber lookalike rather than a fat balder smelly stalker). Hope you're doing well. x
Nice pictures. That must have been the bad advice.
Nice pics. That must have been the bad advice you got.
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